Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
