My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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