my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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