that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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