You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
