Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
