Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
