so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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