I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize