for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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