i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize