don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
