If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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