So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
