i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
