everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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