Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is my gift to your gina
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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