I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
