I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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