went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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