At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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