Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
