Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
