1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
