All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
