there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i've created a new STD.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
