just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
