Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
