my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
