In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
