Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He did a backflip because drugs
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