I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
