When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
