You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
