you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
