Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
