threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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