I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
