I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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