dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
