Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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