I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
