smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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