i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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