things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
