I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
