shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's blow job season.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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