So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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