my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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