so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
