I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
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