4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
