pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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