I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
