do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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