OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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