Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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