I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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