He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
