I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
