At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
