She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
