When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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