I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
