i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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