i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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