how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
