Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
