Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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