i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
