i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
