two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
