how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
