Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
